Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i came on her dog
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
