I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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