Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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