Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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