I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
