I think I am morally bankrupt
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
