Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
