If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
