Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
