Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
