Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
