I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
