I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
People in love make me want to vomit
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
