you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
