I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
