Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
