you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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