Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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