my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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