you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Do vagina's smell?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
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