Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
