Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
