sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
