I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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