the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
