just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
my liver is dry heaving
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
