How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
