he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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