Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
