did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
