I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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