i don't plan on having that self control this summer
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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