Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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