I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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