I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
