You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
