u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
