Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
