If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
