the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
