my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
