yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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