Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
