I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
