Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
