I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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