Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
