I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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