I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
