I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
