After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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