Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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