I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
