The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
