you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
